


Halloween Memories

by songofhell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Halloween, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 20:42:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16456874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofhell/pseuds/songofhell
Summary: Sam doesn't have the greatest memories associated with Halloween, but Castiel hopes to change that.





	Halloween Memories

Sam Winchester had so many reasons to hate Halloween. The date fell far too close to the anniversary of his mother’s death, the monsters he’d spent his entire life hunting were always most active on the day, and it was the last day he had spent with Jess before she was killed. But honestly, the biggest reason was because the people who celebrated, who dressed up as vampires and witches and demons, had no idea that all of that was real, that they were celebrating what his family fought to protect them from. He didn’t blame them for it, of course; it was humanity’s way of making terrifying legends light-hearted, to lessen their fear, but Sam would never be at ease with it.

On October 31, 2008, he added another reason to hate the holiday, and that reason’s name was Castiel.

Sam had always believed in God and Heaven and angels, it was the only thing that kept him going sometimes – that and Dean. So, when he heard that an angel had rescued his brother from Hell, he was amazed that his family was so important to God’s plan that angels were now involved in their lives. Well, Dean’s life, really. Sam wanted nothing more than to meet Castiel, the angel that had pulled Dean out of Hell, but it was enough of an honor to have an angel touch his life, even from a distance – he wasn’t about to ask for more. But he never gave up hope that one day he would get to meet him, would get to thank him in person, rather than just through his prayers.

But when Castiel turned up in their hotel room that Halloween, it was not the meeting the hunter had dreamt of. He remembered the angel looking down at Sam’s outstretched hand, terrified that Castiel wouldn’t touch him because he was unworthy of physical contact with an angel. He did take his hand, though; and he didn’t just shake it, he encased Sam’s hand in both of his, and for just a moment, Sam felt pure joy well up in his heart and he didn’t want to ever let go of Castiel’s hand. But then Castiel spoke. “And I you, Sam Winchester. The boy with the demon blood.”

 _The boy with the demon blood._ Sam couldn’t blame him for that – it was a truth, and it was foolish of him to ever think that an angel would see him any differently – but it still made his thanks die on his tongue, made him want to get as far away from Castiel as possible. And maybe he should have acted on that instinct, because then he wouldn’t have been there to hear Castiel say that he and Uriel intended to destroy the entire town and everyone in it. Maybe then, Sam wouldn’t have felt so crushed as everything that he had put his faith in crumpled before his eyes. Even now, years later, even though Castiel was one of his best friends and God Himself had told Sam that He was proud of him, the bitterness of that Halloween could not be erased.

“Sam?” Castiel knocked on his bedroom door before pushing it open slightly.

Sam pulled himself out of his bitter memories and forced himself to smile as he looked up at his friend. “Yeah, Cas?”

“I was thinking that it could be good to do something to celebrate Halloween with Jack today, and I was hoping that you might have some ideas.”

Sam rubbed his hand over the back of his neck uncomfortably. “I dunno… Halloween isn’t really my thing.”

“I cannot say I’m surprised, with what you deal with on a daily basis. However, you know how Jack has been lately, and I feel that it may partially be caused by the fact that he never got to be a child. I think this could be good for him.”

He sighed. Castiel was probably right, but the idea of celebrating Halloween – of spending it with _Castiel_ , of all people – still left a pain in his gut. “Yeah, probably,” he admitted. “Maybe… I dunno, a pumpkin patch? You could take him to pick out a pumpkin and then carve it.”

Castiel frowned. “But you will not come with us.”

“Do you need me to?” he asked, a note of desperation in his voice.

“Part of the point is for him to be immersed in human customs, which I am still not the best with. And he looks up to you.”

“He looks up to you, too,” he pointed out.

“That is true. But I do not believe he looks up to anyone quite as much as you. You were there for him from the beginning.”

“You would’ve been-”

“But I couldn’t be,” Castiel cut him off. “And I cannot say how glad I am – how grateful – that you were there for him when I couldn’t be.”

“Of course, Cas. I _wanted_ to be there for him.”

“I know, Sam,” he said seriously. “That is just the kind of person you are. Which is why I don’t understand why you are so against coming with us today. I have no wish to force you into a situation you are uncomfortable with,” he continued quickly when Sam looked away from him. “I only wish to understand.”

“It’s like I said, Cas,” he sighed. “I just don’t like Halloween.”

Castiel regarded him for a minute, his eyebrows furrowing. “So much so that you will not even go to a pumpkin patch with Jack and me?” His frown deepened. “Is it because of me? Did I do something to upset you?”

Sam squeezed his eyes shut. _Technically, but it was years ago. And I’m not even upset at you over it; it’s just that being with you on Halloween only brings up crappy memories. Oh, and I think I’m in love with you, and whenever I think about the day we met, all I can do is wonder if you still see me that way._ Yeah, that explanation would go over well. “Course not,” he muttered without looking at him.

“Then what is it, Sam?”

“It’s nothing, okay?” he snapped, finally turning to look at him. “And you know, Cas, this might not even be the best thing for Jack. I mean, yeah, he could use some normal childhood activities, but Halloween? With the lives we live – Halloween is just celebrating everything we hunt. And it’s not like the day means anything to you.”

Castiel looked down. “Actually, this day holds a significant amount of meaning to me. It is quite possibly my favorite day.”

Sam blinked in surprise. “Why?” he asked incredulously.

“Because it is the day I met you,” he said evenly as he met his eyes.

Sam felt his breath leave him in a huff. “But… why?” he asked again, having a hard time processing what Castiel had said.

Castiel sighed, and after a moment’s pause he walked over and sat down on Sam’s bed – the same side the hunter was sitting on, though about as far from him as he could get. “I believe you know that you and your brother have had a very profound impact on me. I was a very different person before I met you both, and knowing you has made me better. But it is you especially, Sam, who has had the greatest impact on me.”

“But what about… I thought Dean…”

“Dean did start me on the path to who I have become, that is true. But it was what I saw in you that inspired me more than anything else.”

“But what did I do?” Sam asked, awe in his voice.

“You have to understand that I had a certain expectation of what you would be like – a not so flattering expectation that Heaven put in my head. But when I met you, that wasn’t what you were like at all. And then as I got to know you more, I saw your strength, your goodness. I remember thinking that if even half the population of the Earth had a heart and soul like the boy Heaven said would bring about its destruction, then the world would be a much better place. Dean was who talked me into rebelling, but if I had not already watched in amazement as you proved Heaven wrong, then I am not sure he would have been successful.”

He wasn’t sure what to say to that. “When we met… I thought you hated me,” he finally said.

Castiel shook his head. “I assure you, I didn’t. If I was cold, it was only because I was attempting to distance myself from you. But the truth is, you impressed me, even back then.”

Sam let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “I had no idea.”

He frowned again. “I did not think it was something I should talk about.”

He huffed out a small laugh. Perhaps it wasn’t such a good thing that Castiel had learned most of what he knew about human interaction from Sam and Dean. Talking about how they felt definitely wasn’t something they did as often as they probably should. “You can always talk about this kind of thing with me, Cas.”

He inclined his head slightly. “Noted. So now will you tell me what is troubling you?”

He sighed. “I just… Halloween doesn’t hold any good memories for me. Even meeting you, it… well, it wasn’t exactly a pleasant time. Even though I am glad that we met,” he added quickly.

“I’m sorry. I suppose I can see how it could be difficult to allow yourself to enjoy a day that has caused you nothing but pain.” He rose from the bed. “I will take Jack to the pumpkin patch on my own. If there is anything that you need, please let me know.”

Sam nodded as he watched Castiel walk towards the door, chewing on his lip. “Wait.” He stood just as the angel stepped through the doorway. “I think I’d like to come with you.”

Castiel turned and looked back at him. “Are you sure?” he asked hopefully.

“Yeah,” he said with a smile. “Just because I don’t have any good memories of this day yet, doesn’t mean I can’t make some.”

He beamed at him. “I am glad to hear that.”

Sam fell into step beside Castiel as they turned from his room and walked down the hall. Jack was excited at the prospect of celebrating Halloween, and all in all, Sam found the evening quite enjoyable.

They found a farm that had a Halloween festival going on with all of the best fall staples. Sam went and got them all some hot chocolate while Castiel and Jack befriended the barn cat, and then Jack was determined to participate in every activity that the farm had to offer. They set the record for the best time in the corn maze, selected the biggest pumpkin they could find, and Jack even convinced Sam to go on the haunted trail.

“I just want to see what it’s like,” he said, already moving in the direction of the line. “It’s not like it’ll actually scare any of us.”

Sam sighed reluctantly and followed Jack down to the line. Castiel’s encouraging smile did make him at least a little more willing, though.

A hay ride took them down to the woods, where they were greeted by a staff member, who gave them the standard speech of don’t run, don’t touch the actors, etc. Sam, Jack, and Castiel were at the back of the group as they funneled through the entrance, and in under a minute, screams drifted back from the front of the group. Sam rolled his eyes.

“Do you think real monsters ever sneak into these things?” Jack asked after what Sam assumed was supposed to be a werewolf jumped out at them. “Blend in with the fake ones?”

“It’s happened,” Sam admitted. “I worked a case once where the staff of a haunted house had assumed one of their coworkers had gone mad and started actually attacking everyone who came through.”

“What happened?”

“The coworker had ingested vampire blood. Hadn’t even realized what was going on with him until he was at work, surrounded by people, and lost control. But as far as a monster using a haunted house or trail as a cover… it’s not like it’d do them much good – they’d be found out with the first group that goes through.”

The trail curved to the left, and as they rounded the tree, a clown jumped out right in front of them. Sam jumped a half-step back, colliding with Castiel, who raised a hand to steady him. He squeezed his eyes shut, counting backwards in his head, knowing full well what he’d see when he opened his eyes. Sure enough, when he blew out a breath and opened his eyes, the clown was up on his tip-toes to get right in Sam’s face. He grit his teeth together and stepped around him, walking determinedly down the trail, his shoulders rigid with tension. Of course, the clown followed them, sticking to Sam like glue.

Castiel somehow managed to squeeze between them, getting up in the clown’s face. “Back off. Now,” he said firmly. Sam looked over at him in surprise, and he could have sworn he saw his eyes shine blue for a moment.

The clown stepped back and Castiel nodded satisfactorily before slipping his hand into Sam’s. Sam looked down at their intertwined hands in surprise, but he returned the pressure gratefully, and they continued along the haunted trail hand-in-hand.

“That was interesting,” Jack said once they emerged from the woods to find themselves in a little fenced off area with benches and a bon fire. “To see the way most humans imagine monsters.”

“It is interesting to see how much myths and legends get warped over time,” Sam acknowledged.

“Indeed,” Castiel agreed. “There is a grain of truth to everything, though.”

“Yeah,” Jack nodded. “It’s nice to take a break from the truth and see these harmless imaginings, though.”

 _Harmless imaginings._ Sam looked around them at the group of teenagers shaking by the fire, at a father comforting his jumpy son. The “creatures” on that trail terrified people – it was the point of it – but Jack was talking about it as though it were some kind of grand fantasy world. It was funny how knowing what was really out there could completely change your perspective on something as simple as a haunted trail. And Sam supposed that Jack had a point – it was kind of nice to take a step back and poke fun at what was really out there, to explore the supernatural in a harmless way. So long as clowns weren’t involved.

When they got back to the bunker – after stopping by the store to purchase vast quantities of Halloween candy – Sam helped Jack get started carving the pumpkin, then let him have at it, while he and Castiel worked on roasting pumpkin seeds.

“Thank you for coming with us, Sam,” Castiel said softly as Sam put the pan in the oven.

“Thanks for getting me to,” he said with a grin as he straightened up. “I actually had a pretty good time.”

“So, we have succeeded in creating some good Halloween memories? Despite the haunted trail.”

Sam laughed. “Yeah, despite that.”

Castiel smiled at him for a moment before he looked down. “I hope I was not inappropriate.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“On the trail.”

It took Sam a minute to figure out what he was getting at, then he shook his head. “Not at all, Cas,” he assured him fervently. “It was… nice.” A faint blush appeared on his cheeks.

He looked up at him hopefully. “I thought so, too.”

He hesitated, his heart pounding frantically, then decided to just bite the bullet. “Earlier you said that meeting me had a big impact on you… well, meeting you had a big impact on me, too.”

Castiel smiled. “I am glad to know that.”

He swallowed thickly, his eyes glued to the ground. “The thing is, it wasn’t exactly a good impact – not at first, but I think you know that. But then everything changed…. Knowing you has changed my life, Cas. After Jess, I…” He took a shuddering breath.

“Sam, what are you saying?” he asked slowly, trying and failing to meet his eyes.

“I… I love you, Cas,” he finally forced the words out, looking up at the angel helplessly. “I have for years.”

Castiel took a deep breath, staring at Sam for several moments before he reached out and took Sam’s hand in both of his. “And I you, Sam Winchester. The boy who saved the world.”


End file.
